It has been 7 months since I quit my job in retail because of clinical depression. In fact, the job has had a lot to do with precipitating this episode. I am now clear with myself: when I work again, it will be writing, editing and doing translations, from my home.
Since then, I have been astonished, every day, at the freedom I have had to take care of myself, to nap when I needed, to cook, to journal and be introspective. Over the months I have had ups and downs with my mental health. I turned 51 three days ago and I have been feeling myself transforming, healing, percolating (about my writing, about my life) and feeling that, finally, I can let go of the now stagnant daily routine of survival and comfort, as I feel I must now be reborn to my writing, to my relationships, especially how I view myself, and the world and my place in it. I feel a clearing and a spiritual renewal calling me to write and share of myself with Humanity. I have been quiet for months about everything, busy healing as I said, and now I hope that this momentum stays with me, because I want to wake up in the morning and get out of my comfort zone (the bed or the couch, which I adore) and dance to the music that moves me and do work on my novels, write e-mails, communicate. The gate is open again and all I have to do is follow the guidance of my Angels to thrive and be the best version of me that I can be. I want to make a difference in the world by speaking up - I feel every person's opinion counts, by sharing, we network and if we share with love and honesty in our hearts, we can achieve a state of higher consciousness. It is as simple as smiling at a stranger or paying for someone's coffee at the cafe' - any Human, heart-driven action is valid and fruitful. Random acts of kindness tend to multiply.
I am delighting in being well now, being closer and closer to who I am - the Divine Self . I am not there, not by a long-shot, but I am closer to is that I have ever been in this life.
As I count my blessings, like my little family, cats included, and friends, I just hope that, some day, I can heal the relationship I have with my mother and sister in Italy. We love each other but we think very differently about life and relationships.
I am going to fight to maintain my positivity, to live driven by Love and not by Fear, and to love and accept who I have become. I am proud of myself, I am convinced that developing some discipline is all that I need to thrive as a woman and as a writer. I am blessed with great guidance from above. Speaking of which, I have now a second "E.T. scar" behind my left shoulder. I feel my Star family has had a hand in my recovery and I am, as always, humbled and grateful.
